“Let’s me know as soon as you can get a flight, honey.” My sister had called my mom while her partner drove her into the emergency room at an urgent care center in South Bend Indiana, where I live. That was a whole year ago. After a year, she caressed her hand before closing her eyes. She was on life support but her life had been taken.
As I sat up in bed to search for a flight, Los Angeles South Bend “There’s just one flight that gets you there earlier,” I texted knowing that another message was coming soon. My mom was kept informed of my every search. Her husband of almost 40 years had died just nine months prior. At the time, I was on an overnight work trip in Bermuda. I literally had just landed a few hours before I had to depart again. It was easier to get out of this mess.
When you are overwhelmed with emotions, and you don’t have to worry about planes, getting to your destination in times of crisis and grief can be like solving a string theory. Thankfully, I was able to use my points and miles. Thankfully, I have a savings account and a credit cards. I was able to get home thanks to my credit card and savings.
The only thing I wish that I had known about was bereavement rates. Sometimes called “compassionate fares,” these rates are special, flexible airline tickets offered in circumstances of imminent death or the loss of an immediate family member—often with reduced prices, looser change rules, and the ability to book very last-minute without the usual penalties.
What to expect when you lose a loved one
Bereavement fares are not offered by all airlines. They are: Delta Air Lines, Alaska Airlines, Air Canada. WestJet Four airlines have posted bereavement rates on their websites. (Hawaiian Airlines has a bereavement page, as well, but it’s only for those traveling between the Hawaiian islands—though they do have stipulations for changing or canceling an existing booking due to bereavement as well, no matter where you’re flying.) You will be required to contact someone at the airline. Most airlines will ask you to provide information such as the name of the deceased person, their relationship to you and other details.
Tovah means, MS, LMFT says that the grieving process can be confusing and isn’t always compassionate. Watch Hill Therapy. “Some airlines offer them but the requirements may feel bureaucratic when the last thing that you want to do is deal with paperwork. If you have the capacity, calling the airline directly can help—a real human voice sometimes makes room for nuance. It’s totally legitimate if you don’t have the capacity to handle that. Your bandwidth is reduced by grief. “Choose the route that feels least draining.”
Delta and Alaska—the airlines I reached out to that came back with a response at the time of publication of this article—couldn’t give much more info on their bereavement fares beyond what was outlined on their page. While these public breakdowns are thoughtful and grounded in genuine efforts to support travelers they also speak to a wider truth: as a culture we’re still deeply uneasy about death, grief and the logistical confusion that comes along with it.
Airlines aren’t trying to be cold—they’re operating within systems built for efficiency, not emotional emergencies—but the limits of those systems can make you feel even more alone at a moment when everything already feels isolating. When you are navigating through one of the most disorienting times of your life, policies, procedures and carefully phrased statements will only get you so far. The gap between what is offered and what is needed can be a reminder of just how much grief we carry on our shoulders.
Airport employees should be informed of what’s happening
Speaking to people in the real world when traveling is even more beneficial. There are many stories about Delta crew members, pilots and passengers who go above and beyond to help grieving people. Holding planes for a good cause tight connections, heartfelt notes The crew and passengers nearby helped grieving passengers navigate the airport before landing The internet has been buzzing with all the latest news.
