The saddest lesson of history is that if we have been bamboozled for a long time, we will tend to ignore any evidence of bamboozling. The bamboozle has us. We no longer care about the truth. Even to ourselves, it’s too painful to admit that we have been taken. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back” –
Carl Sagan
Blink twice If you need to be saved.
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Imagine you are locked in a 25-year-old room with someone who steals your wallet, controls whom you speak to, makes you smile, and sometimes even lets you feel that you won (but only when you give more).
Relationships that are healthy? Not quite.
Congratulations. You are living the dream of hotel distribution. Welcome to the OTA Stockholm Syndrome, where captors hide behind billion-dollar ad campaigns and shiny apps. They charge a 30% “friendship fee” and… somehow… they’ve started calling this a partnership.
In the days immediately following 9/11, hoteliers were desperate. After 9/11, hotels were desperate. The guests had left, the phones were quiet, and these charming online agencies came along, offering easy bookings and new visibility. They also promised partnership. They weren’t just a helping hand – they were the creepy neighbor who helped fix your fence… then quietly claimed your backyard as part of theirs.
And we were duped. We clung to them. We threw them a party. Thank-you cards were written. You handed them a spare… and then forgot to change any locks.
Fast forward to 25 years.
Now we are trauma bonded. We’re so bonded we defend them in LinkedIn panels.I’ve been contacted by a booking agent!” “I can’t believe they do all my marketing for me!” “They’re so powerful and big, I’m not sure I can do much!“
Does this sound familiar to you? Stockholm Syndrome. If OTAs increased commissions to 50%, and demanded a muffin for every reservation, the half of the industry would politely inquire, “Would You Like Gluten-Free?”
How did it come to this?
It all started small. It started small. It’s not that bad, is it?
“Sure we will help you, but you cannot sell cheaper on your website!””).
Then there’s the inventory hijacking (we’ll quietly steal your rooms and sell them at lower prices than you, giving it the appearance that you don’t understand how to manage your price.”
Then the mandatory ‘preferred’ status extortion (“Pay us more commission – or disappear into the second page, where hotel dreams go to die.”)
You can also use loyalty programs (e.g., discount your own rates) You can also find out more about us on our website. loyalty customers… you know, the ones you already earned yourself.”).
And it went on… and on… and on.
We, the romantic optimists, never stopped believing in hotels.
“They have the best interests of their customers at heart.”
The bidders would never use the brand keyword to outbid me.
They love me because I am me.
Meanwhile, OTAs were playing 5D mind chess, setting traps three moves ahead – and hotels were still arguing over who gets to be the red checker.
Hotel Stockholm Syndrome Symptoms
- You call OTAs your “partners”, while keeping a straight faced.
- You justify 20-30% commissions by saying “it’s the cost of doing business.”
- It makes you feel guilty to explore direct booking strategies. You’ll feel like you are cheating.
- You’re as excited about OTAs as you are Michelin stars. “Congrats! “Congratulations! You have paid the most!”
- Your OTA account manager should be treated as a trusted adviser in terms of pricing strategy.
- Instead of panicking, you should be bragging in meetings about your OTA share.
- You’ve stopped comparing costs to commissions. Now, it’s “just the air we breath.”
- Every time you do something wrong, you feel a little twinge of guilt and fear. Want to know more? You can cut off ties.
- You’ve started wondering if maybe, just maybe… you should thank them in your will. They’ve taken all the other things.
Why do we stay?
Change is difficult. Because it is familiar.
Even when they try to make us bid on Google against ourselves, insist that we pay our highest rates, place us under properties with higher commissions and lure our loyal guests away, we say “Maybe it is just phase.” “They’re also under a lot pressure.”
Bless us with a good heart
The truth is, OTAs didn’t just bring bookings – they brought full-on, textbook gaslighting. You know, the kind that therapists warn about.
- They made us question our own worth. Without us, you would be completely invisible.
- Our efforts were dismissed by them: “Direct bookings? “Cute idea, but let’s not be unrealistic.”
- It is a twisted version of reality “Guests don’t actually want you; they just want us to let them know you exist.”
What now? We shudder at the notion of independence. It’s like a victim that is too gaslit by their manipulation to remember how they used to be whole.
In the meantime, other industries are starting to catch on. Airlines fought against it. Retailers fought. Even restaurants fought (have you ever tried to tell a restaurant that they are not doing enough? It is not necessary to be able to read. Can they offer a lower rate on Uber Eats? Good luck. The opposite is true, the prices of food delivery apps are usually higher.
Hotels? Hotel?
Oh Booking, I swore I’d walk away…
You dangled the badge of a preferred member, and then I was sucked into a loop of loyalty.
Dearest Expedia, you steal my margins yet gift me occupancy.
A thief… with benefits.
One booking is all it takes to write a book Fifty Shades of OTA Commission.
The Breakup You Have Been Waiting for
Admitting that you have a mental health problem is the first step towards recovery.
Realizing that you’re not powerless is the second step.
Technology has caught-up. Technology has caught up with consumers. New tools, such as those offered at roomangel The goal of the Direct Channels program is to restore trust in direct channels, give guests that “warm, fuzzy feeling” and level playing field.This site appears to be legitimate and I will not be scammed” feeling – the kind OTAs spent millions manufacturing with slick UX and brand confidence. Now, you can do the same… without the 30% middleman fee and digital codependency.
Guests want They just have to feel comfortable booking directly. They also don’t care if the website doesn’t look like something that was created in the MySpace days, but this is another issue.
Look at freedom. Independence requires effort. It’s better to be independent than giving 30% of your earnings plus your firstborn child to someone who won’t call you on your birthday.
It’s time we stop calling this “partnership”, and call it what it really is: a toxic drug addiction.
What’s the best part? It is totally breakable. Take one bold step at a moment.
Ending Your Exit Plan: The Start is Now
OTAs do not make us evil. Okay, so maybe just a little.
This relationship is co-dependent and unhealthy. It’s long past time for a resetting.
The longer we pretend it’s normal, the more we lose – not just money, but something far more important: control of our guest relationships, our brand, and our future.
Break free. Take a deep breath. The real life is not that frightening.
You can trust yourself. Trust yourself.
And maybe, just maybe, next time you walk into the ITB conference hall, you’ll recognize the captors standing at their sponsor booths – and keep on walking.
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Brian Reeves
The roomangel Foundation Founder & CEO
Roomangel Foundation
The roomangel foundation is a non-profit initiative with a mission to restore transparency and fairness in the hospitality distribution. Roomangel provides the technology, tools and trust signals to help hotels take back control of their relationships with guests by empowering travelers and allowing them to book directly.
For more information about the Foundation and how to join, please visit our website: www.roomangel.org.
Ira Vouk
VP Global Partnerships
roomangel Foundation
